99

This is my 99th post!! I wish it were 100, I think it would be a good number for this post, but I think 99 can work with what I have to say.

"If you want to turn your life around you're going to have to start making things happen and stop allowing things to happen to you."
-Sex, Drugs, and Murder

I moved to Spokane to go to college. I DID THAT. I got a job, I payed my bills. I started a new life. Recently I was laid off, and then hired back on. I think in the period where my life started to crumble around me I lost sight of my goals and my sanity really. I let things happen to me, and I let them stress me out. But now, again, I have new chance. This time I want to do it right. I want to take advantage of the time I have here and use it to the fullest. I slipped for a couple of months, I will not let that happen again. So here I go. To a new beginning in my life...another new beginning. I will be 19 in a short while, and I think the end of my 18th yr will end positive and it will be a great start for my 19th!

Thank you for those who have kept up on my blogging. I know it lost its umph... I guess working at a truck stop has turned normal and mundane. Who would have thought?

Love!

Running in circles

I cant stop thinking about everything that has happened today. My mind is running in circles, my heart is beating like crazy.

I just told Limb about my amazing day. And we talked about his incredibly depressing day. It was a good balance I guess.

I cant believe my day!!! It is by far the best day I have had in a very very long time.

I love you mom and dad! I love you guys so much. Ay yi yi, I know I will sleep so good tonight, if I could just wind myself down enough to sleep. Maybe I will go give it a try. LOL here we go!!

There was a rainbow

I was driving to work, lots on my mind. I'm stuck behind a huge line of cars and in the front of the line is one car, going about 30 mph. No stress. I will make it to work on time. Don't worry Amanda.

Look up, there is a rainbow.

Pull into work, talk to Jess outside for a bit and go in. Wave hi to the day shifters walk into the back room. Standing there is Banana, BB (Big Boss), Helen, and the two book keepers. As soon as I walk through the door they all look and go silent. BB says. I need to talk to you. Every time she says that, its bad news. I want to cry. I cant handle anymore bad news, I cant take it anymore. I need to relieve my stress not add to it.

"Amanda, do you want to sit down?"
No stop playing games with me, you are going to give me a heart attack one of these days, just tell me!
"You know how I added you last week to make up for Mike being gone?"
(in my head - that's it, I'm fired, right here, right now) uumm yeah...
"Well I am keeping you, I am hiring you back full time, I am not letting you go"

I almost fell over, my legs gave out, my heart was out of my chest and I ran and hugged BB with all my might, and I fell into her, just crying. All of a sudden, all this weight, everything I had on my shoulders was now gone. I was done. I can live and breath again. I can sleep. I am FREE. Everyone was happy, and congratulating me, then Brawk and Mennis came in, and they all knew (everyone knew before me) and they all hugged me and it was just amazing! I couldn't stop smiling and crying. I was so relieved. SO RELIEVED.

I asked BB and Banana later if there were things that would make me a better employee, cause now is a chance to start fresh, I want to be the best I can be. before I put in 120% this time around, I want to put in even more. BB said that she never hears a bad thing about me. She gets praise about me all the time from all the shift managers, about how good I am with customers, and other employees, how nice I am, and such a hard worker. She appreciates me, they all do. For the first time I have worked anywhere, I feel like I am valued, and they don't take advantage of me. It feels so good. I am going to sleep so amazing tonight.

Look up, there is a rainbow.

Shocker!

I got an unexpected letter from someone today. At first I was afraid to open it. I wasn't sure what to think, where to go with it. I worried about what it would say. And what I would do about it. So I sat there for about 30 mins, staring at it. Biting my lip, and just staring. How can I be so afraid of a letter? Its not going to bite me, no matter what it says inside. Even if the things written are horrible nasty things I can just throw that letter away, get it out of my life. Why should I be scared?

I opened it.

It wasn't so scary.

Lockdown

So we know about the incident with the over-friendly customer. And how he was not to come back to the truck stop. Well I guess it didn't just end with me, he also was trying to steal things. So last I had heard he was told never to come back into our store again...

Last night I worked with Banana, Brawk, and Walter. My friendly customer came back while I was vacuuming the carpets. I hear my name being hissed from Walter "Amanda, Amanda come here" I looked at him like he was crazy, I just started vacuuming, I needed to finish it! "Amanda come here NOW" So I walked behind the counter and he points towards the man, "is that him?" I think I just ate my own heart right there, yep that's the one.

We call Banana, and Brawk behind the counter and have a pow-wow. It was determined that I was to go to the back office, and lock my self in... I was officially on lock down.

Banana came back to sit with me for a while, and we watched this creeper on the camera's, waiting to catch him doing something so we could call the police and really get him off the property. but It was made very clearly by Brawk that he was being watched, and he never made a move. I was released from the dungeon, and I am praying he will not be there tomorrow. I don't like being on lock down. Unless its "love lock down" LOL I love Kanye West. Anyways. something to remember, needed to document it.

Quotes

A few little quotes sent to me that I felt like sharing:

"I'm glad you have friends in your life near and far that make you smile!" Momalo, that means a lot, thank you.

Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect.
There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.
Mark Victor Hansen
Inspirational Speaker and Author

They might be...

Insane.

So couple of weeks ago new people moved into the 2nd floor apts, right across the way from me. (across the courtyard) And either they have a Wii, or they are crazy cause I can see them at night swinging at nothing, I am guessing they are playing tennis. But it makes it very funny for me to watch!

Haha ok I should stop staring. I will call Limb.

Thank you

Lately I have a few things to be thankful for.

First off, thank you Fa and The city for the Limb.

Second, Thanks you parents for my trip home that I am counting down the days for!

....Thank you KIAN. For being in the parking lot the pother day when I desperately had no choice but to climb through the wrong side...LOL

....Thank you Ricky for having medical issues, thus being submitted to the hospital creating more hours for me. I know that makes me sounds like a terrible person. I do hope him the best, and wish he gets well. I even donated $5.00 to the fund to buy him a present and flowers, but thank you for giving this extra time to me to find a new job.

.... Finally, thank you Limb. For putting up with my insanity....oh and fa and city also. Where would I be without you guys?

I love you all, and thank you for being there.

FOOD for thought

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia

If only... I am only waiting a few more hours Fa 1, then I am done for the night!

The Beginning of Goodbye

Today was my 2nd to last day. Overall it was pretty good. Sad but I am going to live. I had to say goodbye to a few people I wont see again on Saturday, which is the next and last day I will work at the truck stop. I said goodbye to Brawk, he is very sad to see me go. He even wanted to "exchange phone numbers" I said his wife wouldn't be happy about that. Brawk has a terrible memory, I always tease him that the day after my last day he wont even remember who Amanda is. And his comeback is there is one easy way you can make me remember you...(sleep with him... Well with out the sleep part is what he wants) It has always been a big joke. So tonight I had Susie set up with her phone to take a pic, and I tackled Brawk and gave him a peck on the cheek. I think that's good enough! I told him not to get any ideas!

I said goodbye to Fitch. That was sad. But I told him I am sure I will be back sometime and I will pull another all nighter with him! I said goodbye to my favorite security guard! I will miss that guy! I said goodbye to my favorite virginal casino buddy LOL. And then I had to say goodbye to Susie. I might see her on Saturday but probably not. I think saying adios to her, was the hardest person to say it too. We stood there for five minutes just crying and hugging each other. It was very emotional.

I know on Saturday I will have to say austa la vista (?) to more people I care about a bunch. I am glad that I have a break between now and then... this is just too much.

Odd

Its odd how you can talk to someone for so long, when you don't even know them. And yet at the same time you feel 100% comfortable.

CHA CHING!

Last night/this morning I the best time I have had in a really long time! About 7 of us met at work at 1 in the morning to head to Idaho to go to a casino, it is legal to game in Idaho at 18... so for us underage kids that's where we have to go! The cause of celebration was a farewell party for me and it was oh just so amazing!

We got to the casino at about 2, went in and found a few slot machines to start with. We all stated as a group to watch me blossom into a "youthful gambler". I clicked the button for the first time (pull handle) and I won!! I played my $1 I put in and made a few dollars off of that. Then the power went out! So we sat there in the dark for a few mins waiting for the generators to kick in. So for the first hour I just walked around with people looking at everything and stopping now and then to play some slot machines. I ended up losing all my money but $3. So I decided to cut my self off, I went with $20, I might as well leave with $3 in my pocket. But then... oh boy... then I saw the tables. And I thought what experience would it be for my first time at a casino and not play at a table. We went over and talked to one of the dealers, she showed me the rules of Black Jack and all the symbols. I watched a few guys playing and it looked like fun. I put my last $3 down to play one hand, if I lose I was done, if I won...well who know what could happen. My fate was in the hands of the dealer now. Guess what I got the first time? BLACK JACK!! I think I scared the person next to me. I jumped so high, and yes there was probably an OH MY GOD said slightly too loud, and then there was of course my sudden jerk to my left to grab Brawk and give him a huge victory hug! I played and played, I won and I won, it was brilliant! I finally pulled out, I made my $20 back, and then made $60 more on top of that! I walked away with a smile!

I was drawn back to the table 2 more times, with other people who wanted to give it a go. I made sure to keep my original money separate so that I didn't lose that again. However, my third visit back to the table I did lose all of the money I had gained, all but about $9. So all in all it was an unforgettable night. I am going to miss that whole crew so much! I have so many memories at the truck stop, so many stories and events. Working there has seriously changed my life. For the better, that's for sure.

HOLLA

"I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it.".... by Tupac

AMEN!

A Lesson In Life

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.

If someone hurts you, betrays you , or breaks you heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it.

All good things must come to an end

When I first started working at my local truck stop I hated it. Absolutely hated it, it couldn't get any worse then this. The computers were horrible to learn, the people were...weird. And the customers, oh boy the customers were rude filthy and they needed a mommy. However time has gone by, I cant say that there is any employee there that I cant stand to work with. I get along with everyone, I learned how to handle the customers, and I know how to use all the equipment. I am just now getting settled in.

Unfortunately the truck stop is being forced by corporate to have a budget, and this budget includes kicking a few people off payroll, and I would be one of those people. The 28Th of January will be the last day I work for this certain truck stop. When I was pulled into the office, the big manager lady, and my most common shift manager (he is in love with me...) and the book keeper were all there. BB (Big Boss) Told me the bad news but that I would be the first one called as soon as they had an opening. She hates to do this but there is nothing she can do. All she could say was sorry. And for her to only have "I'm sorry" to say I take as a compliment. She is the type of lady who doesn't want to hear sorry, or I don't know, or anything that wont benefit her.

I appreciate everything I have learned from there. I appreciate all the people, and the family I have built. They have been there for me, when no one else could help me. They were there for me when I was at some of the hardest parts of my life here in Spokane. For goodness sakes Susie was with me when I saw my first inmate...in stripes even!!! I have tons of memories from there that I will never forget. I hope to stay in contact with these friends I have made. I will miss them all so much. But this is just another road in my life. And I will see where it takes me. Like Momalo said, everything happens for a reason.

And to all my Geese out there...Keep on honkin!!

Muy bien Muy Muy Muy MUY Bien!

Very good Very Very Very VERY Good!

Is what my title says in English.

Tonight I had an orgasmic experience at work! Yep that's right at work...

I have gone six months without a certain something in my life. I have been CRAVING this, every night I think about it. It sounds so good! So Susie, who knew I wanted this certain thing so bad, called her ex husband to fix me up.

Tonight, I had the best Mexican food EVER!!!! Susie's ex husband works at a restaurant down town Spokane. It is all fresh authentic Mexican food. And oh boy did it stop my craving. He made fresh enchilada's, beans and rice, and (unfortunately his guac over ruled mine...) It was all SOO good! Susie and I stuffed ourselves with Mexican food, I thought I was going to explode.

I will go to bed tonight with a smile on my face... and thinking about Mexican food!

I CANT DO IT!!

Last night, laying in bed and talking on my phone. I look up and guess what is on my ceiling... A spider. OMG. (Oh My God)

But I am on the phone, and there is no way I can reach it anyways... So I will just ignore it.

Today I am in my kitchen cooking dinner, again on my phone. I look up, what do I see? My spider. Of course it led to a huge gasp and an ohhh no noise. The person on the other end of the phone had no idea what was going on. I got off the phone and called Fa'1, knowing I could get some spider advice. I was on the phone with her for about 5 Min's coming up with a plan to get this spider. Normally the vacuum would be the first option, but the thing is I am afraid that the vacuum will not kill the sucker, and when I go to empty the little container it will have mass produced and they will eat me alive. So that is not an option. I decided to take my shoe and try to swipe it off the ceiling so I can get it, but I am freaking out that it will fall onto me which oh wow would just not be good. So I decided to just go for it, screaming (I'm sure my neighbors enjoyed it) I knocked the spider off and squished it.

This is my first encounter with a spider in Spokane. When I called the first person I was talking to back we decided to name it Steve. Poor Steve.... I hope he didn't have any kids..... oooh yuck.

Horoscope

January 09, 2009
Aquarius (1/20-2/18)
Stop thinking so much about tomorrow and start living in the moment today! There are a lot of amazing opportunities all around you, but if you are too busy thinking all about what you want to do next, you are going to completely miss out on them! Timing is everything, so make sure you are living in the present along with everyone else. The past is done with, and the future will be coming soon enough. It's time to just worry about what you're doing today.

Is that not spot on with what I am TRYING to do now or what? I mean I know the future is still there, and I still need to work towards getting there (aka...school) but I can do that and live in the moment as well. For instance....

Today in my SEE sign class, we were talking about hearing loss, and hearing tests ect. When my professor talked about how we can go to the Lab and they have a hearing test center down the hall, we can go do it any time, its free. Plus we get extra credit!! So after class there were a few people going to go and check the place out, but we were all too scared to go alone... fearful that we were all going to be on the long terrible road towards deafness. So I was invited to go with I was like Hey why not?! So her a group of five of us go hike to the other building and walk on in. This lady walked out of her office and she stopped in her doorway, she had to do a double take, and her jaw just about hit the floor! It was such a funny reaction. She then asked if we were lost, we were like no I don't think so...

Apparently hardly anyone ever comes to get their hearing test, so to have a group of five people show up at once!! They were so not prepared for us. Turns out we need to make appointments, so there we a few other women who came out to help us all organize a good time to come in and do this. It takes about an hour and half!!! Its very thorough, they do one test where they test your hearing through your bones. Is that cool or what? They also have a camera that they put in your ear to look at your cochlea, which is what is unfixable when someone goes 100% deaf. (unless you qualify for a cochlear implant...) And with the camera there is a TV in the room that you sit in so you can watch everything going on and see what it looks like! Its amazing, I am so excited to experience this but at the same time terrified to know how deaf I really am.

Apparently my/our generation will be the youngest generation with the highest population for loss of hearing adults. Because we listen to our music too loud... and we put it directly in our ears (ear buds) which damages our cochlea even more! I am learning tons, and I am thinking I might be getting more and more interested in the medical aspect of the deaf world. Yay!!!

YEE HAW!!

Remember the guys who were trying to marry me? They were there for a really long time. Well on of them, we call him Cowboy, he was there the longest. I guess that is what he does, he comes in, stays for a couple weeks and then leaves. I however did not know any of this, I just thought he was another normal trucker.

I was wrong

Turns out cowboy is a drug dealer!!! This guy is I am guessing 60 or older. He was the nicest trucker I have ever met, he was the one telling me about other jobs that I might look into. Just a nice guy all around. I guess the big boss lady made him leave because there have been rumours going around about the other drivers. Apparently he hangs out, gets to know all the guys that are around, feels the situation out and when he finds out what they need, he makes a phone call and someone brings him the "goods". Which someone does come visit him. This girl named Amanda came to see him while he was there, she pulled up outside in her car, he went out and met her, and came back into the store in about five minutes. Then Amanda left. He said it was his daughter.... I cant believe he is in the middle of this, true or not the fact that he COULD be?!?! I talked to that guy! Oh well lol I'm safe, nothing happened and he wont be back anytime soon. But weird huh.

I was being bombed

So last night I was exhausted! I needed some sleep very badly. I went to bed at about 9 but it was super windy outside I couldn't fall asleep. It seriously sounded like the roof was going to be ripped off. I slowly started to drift off....

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN BAM!!

There was this loud noise like something hit the wall. SO I sit up in bed, frantically looking around, did something fall off my wall? Nothing happened for a few seconds. So I settle back into bed to start dreaming some more.

Five Min's later BAM BAM BAM!

Great, so I get out of bed to look out my peephole. As I walk to my front door I am mentally calculating how fast I can get back to my kitchen to grab my 5lb Cast Iron Skillet, that could surely knock someone out if need be...preferably not myself.

One look out the peephole...no one is there. I go back to my bedroom, and look out between my blinds, I can hardly see anything. So I pull my blinds up in order to get a better view of whats going on. I open my blinds and all of a sudden WHAM! A huge snowball chunk thing hits my window, right where my face was! I screamed of course, and jumped about a mile. LOL then laughed for about 5 Min's, and then 5 more.

What was happening was the wind was picking up chunks of snow and they were hitting the building! That was what all the bam's were. So I went to bed, turned on some music and was able to sleep peacefully. When I woke up this morning and looked out into the "courtyard" it looked like what I imagine the moon looks like, with craters and everything! It was definitely amazingly beautiful!

Chicken Hammer

***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***

You may be hungry after reading this

For Christmas I received a chicken hammer. I used it for the first time tonight, I will be happy to tell you that there was no chicken flung about the kitchen! And it was amazing when all said and done.

I took pics of my meal I made, since I used the chicken hammer and I also used another new gadget... a cast iron skillet! So here is my creation.

OK... I cant find my pics. But believe me, it looked amazing!

Revision: I found the pics... they were hiding on my camera, not on a disc just on my camera, it was odd. Here they are!

Phew

School was cancelled today. I was really bummed. But so far I still have school tomorrow. So yay! I just logged onto my class that I am taking online. I got really confused and well I was able to get one assignment done! So thats good I guess. I will figure it all out tomorrow, hopefully KIAN will beable to help me. But Speaking of KIAN... the real KIAN had already posted something, suprise suprise there haha.

Officially moving in with Kpat and her BF, who I dont have a nickname for yet...

Cute as a Button

Remember the other day when I was proposed too? Ok, now remember the guy in the background cheering me on? Well it turns out he too wants to marry me...and his buddy, and his other buddy. Plus this Russian guy. Well the Russian guy either wants me to marry him or his brother, apparently the brother is a millionaire!

These guys kept me company all night, kept bothering me and teasing me and what not. Lunch came around, I was in the hall talking to my mother, when one of the guys sat down next to me. when I got off the phone with mom Randy (trucker cowboy, 60+ yr old man, very cute! in an old man way) when the other 3 guys came in from out side. They all pulled up chairs, and there I was, sitting in the hallway in the middle of 4 guys. It was def. awkward at first. But these were nice guys. They asked me about marrying them, I said whichever one had more money in his wallet was the winner. We talked about life, about truckstops, and about me and my goals. These guys were very nice and sincere. They wanted into my panties. LOL. And they made sure to tell me that. So I went back to work, left my boyfriends in the hall.

Then on my break I was again in the hall talking to a friend on the phone when one of the guys, Gary, sat next to me. When I got off the phone he was telling me about his kids (this guy is 57 yrs old, he was one of the nicest sweetest truckers I have ever met! He was fun to talk to) He told me that he was sorry they had been bothering me the last few days. But he said to me :one day you are going to make some guy so happy. You are as cute as a button. No matter how crazy we get you still treat us well and have a smile on your face! You even blush. I hope you know I appreciate what you do, and for putting up with us."

Was that not the nicest thing ever? He was sincere too. Cause when he was around the other guys he treated me like the rest did, but when it was just him and I, he was very sincere. But of course all good things must come to an end. All the guys were up front talking to me and Gary (the nice one I was talking about) says ok Well I need to head out and sleep. and to me he said "want me to point to you which way my truck is?" I laughed and said absolutely not! The other guy spoke up and says, yea cause she'll be too busy in my truck rockin it away!

I blushed and walked away from the conversation.

Mom and dad... I need to tell you something...

I am getting married!!!

LMAO! I totally forgot about this until my 'hubby' came into the store tonight. New years eve a gentleman about the age of 35 wants to buy some Copenhagen tobacco. (Which in the chew world is like gold, at $10.20 a can compared to grizzly, marked $3.29 a can) I said to Hubby, I'm not going to lie, its super expensive.

Hubby: "I love a woman who doesn't lie (cheers from the guy behind him) Baby I think I just fell in love with you. (He took a step away from the counter and got down on one knee) Amanda, will you marry me?"
(more cheers from the guy behind him, plus it didn't help that Jane and Brock we standing there telling me to say yes lol)

Me: Get off your knee! You will get dirty!! (what else is there to say?)
Hubby: "I wont get up unless you say you do."
Me: Are you rich?
Hubby: "I'm a trucker"
Me: "Next time you roll through I will let you know."
(he seemed satisfied with that answer, got off his knee, paid for his stuff and said: "until next time Amanda"

OMG! right lol. what kind of guy proposes to someone he doesn't even know!

So today, I had forgotten all about him. This Guy walks up to the counter, I recognize him but I don't know how. He looks at me, smiles and stares at me. He wont stop looking! Finally he says" "you don't remember do you? remember what you said about next time?"
As soon as he said that I knew what was going on. I remembered who he was. I laughed and said "that's right, I was thinking about it, and I am just not sure I am ready to bring our relationship to the next level." He laughed and said ok, but I am going to wait for you.

Jokingly I was handing him his change, I broke a hundred, it was about $92 change. JOKINGLY I said, "since we are going to get married and all... shouldn't you share your money with me?"
Hubby: "Absolutely" (he put the money back down on the counter and slid it towards me and started walking away!!!!) I cant take this guys money, So I yelled out for him, "hey wait! I cant keep your money, you need it."

He says "no I don't want it blah blah, its only money, I can always make more. Buy something nice for your self!" I ended up convincing him to take his money back, the whole time jane and patty were in the background telling me to keep it and split it with them. I gave it back to him. It was probably one of the funniest moments in the last couple of days.

I will never forget my first husband.

Bring in a new year

As 2008 passed into 2009 I couldn't help but think this is a beginning of an official year. I know every year it is, but now, for once in my life I think I am seeing what a year really means. Next year we will be celebrating 2010, living outside my parents house Will be completely normal. Its just weird to think how things change.

I know I wanted to celebrate New Years somehow, doing something. So I took a bottle of sparkling apple cider, and some poppers from the dollar store into the truck stop. At exactly 12 Torie opened the bottle and the rest of us popped our poppers. It made for an interesting new years that's for sure. Everyone at work knew how excited I was for this, and they were all good sports by helping the spirit stay alive. The night went pleasantly well.

I also know that many people make new year resolutions. After long hard thinking I decided that making them at this point of the year is ridiculous, Any one can change their behavior and actions at any point in their lives. I have. So instead of making resolutions I decided to think of the things that I want.

I want to figure out what I want. From school, from work, from life.
I want to know what makes me happy right now, or who makes me happy.
I want to find who I am as a person, and start establishing my own identity. Whatever that may be.

I hope this new year brings many great things! To everyone. I hope you started the new year with a big bang!!